Svefn-g-englar & Copenhagen

I wanted to write about what's going on in Copenhagen, the loss of an alternative culture center, and the riots. But, things went a bit differently today. I got a call before I truly started my day in which I found out that a close family member died late last night. I am actually a lot more upset than I thought I would be.

Today is Bulgaria's nation independence day and I have a few close friends who are Bulgarian. We went out and had a nice traditional dinner. With most of them none the wiser that I was feeling the way I did. I don't know why, but I just can't be sad like that around people, I'd rather fake it and tell every one I am terrific. Finally, I got back home and I just sat there listening to sad bastard music from Sigur Ros and cried. A really good one. This is real. The regrets, the sadness, the finality. This is really real. I just want to feel this way and not cover up how I feel and not try to make it better right now. Just let it lay.

That's what I hate about talking to people about loss. They try to make you feel better. It's bullshit. No advice will make you feel better because of a loss. It just takes time to feel better. The wise words spoken, cleaned up and canned in a cellar for later use. Pop the top when needed. ".....lived a long life... a good life... old... good person.... missed by many..... nothing can be done...... heals all wounds..... be alone... never be alone.... time to yourself..... around friends..... eat...."

My advice to all of you who have lost or will ever lose is none at all. Nothing. Fuck it. No kind words will ever help so stop trying and just ignore it when you get it.

I don't understand why we need to comfort people in times like these.
Just let it bleed, it will stop sooner or later.I suppose some times we just need to riot it all out of our system to feel better when we feel a loss.

Copenhagen, here I come. The stones have already been cast and the cars are already ablaze.